Day 4: Family Matters
The relationship with your family is reflected in every other area of your life. Many of the wounds that govern the way your respond in various situations throughout your life were caused by members of your family, and often the wounds you have experienced were completely unintentional. In fact, many of the limiting beliefs and past pains you have today were caused by a family member with the best intentions (aside from abuse). The cords that connect you to your family are some of the strongest bonds that exist in your life, regardless of the current status of your relationship with them. There are three main ways that you strengthen the cords with those in your life: through intensity, frequency and quality.
Intensity can be a good or bad thing; whenever you feel an intense emotion from someone else you have an emotional response yourself, and this interaction strengthens the cord that connects you. The cord can be thickened with intense love just the same as it can with intense anger. This can be confusing as you get older because chances are you have felt intense emotions at every end of the spectrum from your family and that energy stays with you until you release it.
Frequency is the amount of time you spend with someone. Growing up you spent more time with your family than with anyone else in your life, strengthening the cord even more. The amount of time you spent with your family growing up has a major impact on your life today. You absorbed many of their beliefs and views on the world as your own without question, simply due to the frequency with which you were exposed to them. This is not about any of these beliefs being good or bad, right or wrong; it is important that you can see the many ways in which this connection has been strengthened so you can release what is not of service to your highest good.
The quality of the time you spend with people is another way the cords grow stronger. This can have an effect in many different ways, if you have a parent that is totally present with you, that listens to everything you have to say and is supportive, the strength of that connection is based in love; if you have a parent that is unavailable, inattentive, controlling or abusive, you will develop a connection based on fear. Either way, the cord grows stronger. This is where abandonment complexes and things of that nature originate.
You might have an amazing relationship with your family and you may have had an awesome experience with them growing up. Even in a healthy relationship there is a need to let go of the relationship to your family. This does not mean that you will stop talking to them or disappear - the goal of this program is for you to create the relationships you desire throughout your life. The relationship you have with your family is the oldest relationship you have, and often your family will relate to you as you used to be, or how they have always known you to be. The problem is that you are not who you used to be, you are who you are right now. By releasing the cord that ties you to your family, you can create a new relationship that honors all of you for the person you are, not the person you were.
You cannot change the past by dwelling on it:
Now is where your life is happening; don't miss it because you're stuck in the past.
1. How often did you think to yourself, "I'll never do that to my kids," or "I'll never end up like my parents," and found yourself doing the exact thing you swore you would never do? How many or your parent's traits do you notice in yourself?
2. What are some beliefs or views you currently hold that may have come from your family? Why do you hold these beliefs? What impact are these beliefs having on your life?
3. What are some memories you have of your childhood (good and bad)? What impact are these memories having on your relationships currently?
4. Write a list of your family members and pick the three that you have the strongest cords with - regardless of the status of your relationship with them. The Outer World Detox will be available tomorrow, use it to detox from your top three people.
Keep practicing the Daily Detox and your Attention Training today - the first full detox is coming up, use these tools to get ready for it!