Today is about more than just judgements; in fact, before getting into judgements it is important to take a look at your perceptions. The way you perceive the world around you is nothing more than your opinion, and often your perception has very little to do with what is actually going on. This is especially true when looking at the way you think a situation has occurred for someone else; your perception is only true for you - when you ask anyone else about their perception of anything you have experienced together, their experience will be very different than yours. Any time you feel as though you have hurt someone or that you are responsible for the way someone else feels, this is only your perception. Other people are responsible for the way they feel, just as you are responsible for the way that you feel. Even if you were involved in a situation that triggered a reaction in someone, their reaction has nothing to do with you.
This does not mean that you should disregard the way others feel and do whatever you want; this means that you need to give yourself a break and allow other people to go through their process the same way you do. By taking responsibility that is not yours, you are just adding to that web inside you that has gotten tangled with all the other thoughts, feelings and beliefs that have your energy bound up. By letting other people take responsibility for themselves you are giving them an opportunity to grow and change. You can absolutely have compassion and empathy when you see others going through their process - you can even be there to support them in doing so, just make sure you let them have their process. It does not serve anyone when you take someone else's burden.
Judgements are like perceptions, but they carry more energy and are almost never useful. They carry more energy because they are essentially perceptions mixed with beliefs. This combination does not leave room for anything else to be considered, nor even discussed. Whether you are judging yourself for something you wish you had or hadn't done or you are judging someone else for their actions, what you are really doing is shutting down any possibility of communication or change in the situation; and like perceptions, judgements are usually far from the truth of the matter.
The cords that judgements create inside you are thick - there is a lot that goes into creating them; perceptions and beliefs are the two main pieces, but beliefs are thoughts and emotions tied to your identity. This means that in order for you to create a judgement, the components you are putting together to do so are thoughts, emotions, identity, beliefs and perceptions; then that judgement is tied to yourself and others. It is not helpful to get down on yourself for judgements you have held in the past; now that you know what happens when you create judgements, you can do something about them. Show yourself some compassion as you get into your judgements today; it is not that you are wrong for making judgements, it is just not serving you to do so.
Whenever you start to form a judgement, remember:
Judgements are a waste of energy!
Judgments only hurt, they never help.
1. What are some things you judge harshly about yourself (think of anytime you should or shouldn't have done something)? Have these judgements helped you do anything to change them? What have these judgements done for you?
2. How often do you take responsibility for the way someone else feels? What has been the result of you taking responsibility in this way?
3. Sometimes judgements are passed down through the generations; what judgements do you hold that you accepted from older family members? Friends? Society?
Stick with Transcending Opposites today, by teaching your mind to focus on something new that arises in this way, you are rewiring your brain to think in a new way.