Day 11: Yes & No
Now that you have looked at many types of commitments that play a major role in your life, it is time to dive into the ways in which you enter or avoid those commitments. One of the things operating in the background of all the obligations you have in your life is you ability to say no. If you have a hard time saying no, there are a couple ways in which you can react: the first is to say yes to everything, get really overwhelmed and eventually collapse from exhaustion or burnout. The second is to never give a clear answer and avoid conflict, confrontation and commitment altogether. Neither of these options allow for clear agreements or thriving connections.
Before diving too deep into today's theme it is important that you know one thing: You have made no wrong choices in your life. Really. Everything you have gone through has prepared you for this moment; you wouldn't be who you are today if you had not gone through all the experiences of your life up to this point. There may be several choices you made which yielded consequences you did not desire or enjoy; chances are you learned more from those choices than any other throughout your life. The point is, give yourself a break. You are here taking the steps to change your life and create lasting relationships that you love - give yourself the space to do so. Regretting the past will not help you move forward, it will only keep you stuck in the past. Let it go, and focus on this moment, right now. You're here and you've committed to your own transformation, celebrate that choice for a minute and breathe.
As you look at the ways in which you approach commitment you must take a look at your responses - in an objective way. You really only have a few choices when someone presents you with something to commit to: yes, no or maybe. Now, to start, if you don't have a clear no, you can't have a clear yes either. This will often lead to an answer of maybe - to everything. Maybe is a way to avoid commitment; you have not actually committed to anything, so you can pacify any upset that may arise if you decide that you don't want to do whatever is being asked of you.
The problem with maybe is that it leaves a connection open between you and those you have given your maybe; dirty energy is passed back and forth through this connection and it blocks you from being able to make clear decisions in other areas. Also, you are keeping yourself from being able to receive if you're answer is consistently maybe. As a business person, if you can't give a clear yes or no, your potential clients will not be able to either. "I have to think about it," "Let me check," "I'm not sure," are all variations of maybe and serve only to cloud up your and others energy. The only exception to this is when you literally have to check your calendar in order to make a commitment.
The other options that often occur if you don't have a clear no is to say yes to everything and burn yourself out trying to get everything done; or you will say yes then change your mind later when you feel less confronted. Both of these options leave your energy cloudy just like a maybe does. The ability to say no is absolutely necessary in order for you to create the life you want to live. Without being able to say no, you are allowing others to dictate what course of action you are taking in your life. While this is one way to live, chance are it is not fulfilling. Learn to find your no so your yes can be powerful. Then, you will start to see a radical shift in the response from the universe - you will start to receive what you desire on a consistent basis. Learning to say no is the first step in claiming what you want, and today's exercise will teach you the first step - what a no feels like in your body.
When it comes to making decisions, you can either be a hell yes, or a hell no:
Maybe means no!
There is no hell maybe; that is just hell.
1. How many times have you said yes when you really wanted to say no? Why? What prevented you from standing strong in your no?
2. What do you really mean when you say maybe? How often do you notice yourself giving an unclear answer? What is keeping you from giving a clear yes or no?
3. When was the last time you gave someone a clear no? What does it feel like when you say no? What would it be like to celebrate your no?
Today, check out the Embodied Yes / No Meditation and get clear about what your yes & no feel like in your body. Also, continue listening to the Attention Training: Finding Your Voice.